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Men Who Can't Love: When a Man's Fear Makes Him Run from Commitment (And What a Smart Woman Can Do About It)
![Men Who Can't Love: When a Man's Fear Makes Him Run from Commitment (And What a Smart Woman Can Do About It)]()
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List Price: $15.95
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Manufacturer: M Evans & Co
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Average Customer Rating:  
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Binding: Hardcover
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.734
EAN: 9780871315175
ISBN: 0871315173
Label: M Evans & Co
Manufacturer: M Evans & Co
Number Of Pages: 241
Publication Date: 1987-05-01
Publisher: M Evans & Co
Studio: M Evans & Co
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Editorial Reviews:
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An examination of the dynamics of male-female communication examines male-commitment phobia and explains how women can recognize early warning signs, determine a man's willingness to change, and avoid unnecessary heartache. Reissue.
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Spotlight customer reviews:
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Customer Rating:
Summary: All Here in Black & White
Comment: I just finished this book and sat right down to write this review. This book is very well-written. It is laid out in an itelligent fashion from beginning to end. One reviewer here mentions that there are too many personal testimonites, but I didn't think so. In fact, I don't know how the author was able to come up with so much content for the book WITHOUT doing so. The author has a very firm grasp on this topic. Expertise doesn't begin to describe it. I allowed myself to underline and make notes - related to my own recent relationship with a commitmentphobic man. I only dated that guy six weeks but I saw a lot of him in this book. I can't even believe some of the things the author said... stuff that might as well have come straight from MY mouth.
My biggest OMG moment came on page 275. "Even at the Bitter End, he is giveing mixed and distorted messages - he seems almost incapable of giving you an honest, straightforward statement of either his feelings or his intentions." I know that quote sounds slightly elementary (like you could have composed it yourself) but that is EXACTLY what happened in my situation.
Again, I only dated my CP for six weeks. The author pointed out TWO things that Steve did that were so incredibly specific... we're talking the Princess and the Pea here. This author can spot a CP from a billion miles away. When Steve and I would cross the street at an intersection, he would walk a lot faster than me and not hold my hand. Then he would stop, turn around and call me a slowpoke. The other example blew me out of the water. The author said that there can be tell-tale signs in a man's home that he doesn't want to get too close or eventually marry. One thing that really bothered me was that he never cleaned his bathroom. His house was the house he grew up in and I don't know how many years previous his mother moved out. The toilet had streaks of black all around the inside bowl. It was mold. His shower was worse. I couldn't even look at it. The book said, "he has a bathroom that no woman in the world would want to use." I just about DIED. Yep! This book nailed Steve in his little six-week buttocks. Even he couldn't escape the radar of the CP Expert, Steven Carter.
This book is worth WAY more than the cover price. It has helped me a lot. More importantly than getting over this relationship, this book will help me to recognize future CP's and spare me untold amounts of pain.
Customer Rating: 
Summary: Overlook the cheesy title
Comment: I was distraught over the end of a relationship I thought was fantastic...four months of bliss and connectedness, he said he wanted to be my best friend, move closer so it would be easier to spend time together, he adored me, he was smitten. Then, let's take a step back, and a week later, he never returned my phone calls.
I was an emotional wreck for several weeks - crying constantly, talking about it and looking online to see what I could find out about this behavior. I thought there were things I should have done, things I could have done to prevent this - I was really beating myself up. I found several books on Amazon and ordered them, in order to learn what I had done to destroy the relationship.
I have to say this book has given me such clarity and peace of mind. Men Who Can't Love explains this pursue/panic behavior the best, and I am so ready to move along and not willing to waste any more time on a man who can not get past feeling trapped by love. A man who does not exhibit commitmentphobia may move slowly, but he will keep moving in the same direction.
Just remember that he's just as afraid to commit to yes as he is to committing to a no, so don't get pulled back in. Put yourself first.
Customer Rating:
Summary: I Should Have Known Better -- This Book Helped Me To See Clearly
Comment: I should have known better. The profile of the commitmentphobic that I spent more than 7 years with was a never-married man who had had 4 children by 3 different women when I met him. He had never even been engaged to any of them! No commitment. This book opened my eyes to commitmentphobia. Before reading this book, I did not know that this was a true phobia. I also learned from reading this book about the different stages of the commitmentphobic relationship. Ours fit it to a tee! Be careful of the man who sweeps you off your feet. It is also critically important to honestly examine your own self to find out what attracted this kind of man to you in the first place. The advice in the book was invaluable. In sum, it says that the only thing any self-respecting woman can do with a commitmentphobic man is to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. He will try to come back! This is the "curtain call" stage of the relationship where he will try to go back to stage one and begin the whole saga over again. My commitmentphobe went so far as to break down and eventually give me an engagement ring, buy an expensive home, fail to move into the new house, and then refuse to set a wedding date. He simply could not do it -- just as the book says. He provoked me to leave -- a commitmentphobic's strategy that the book describes in detail. I consider this book an answer to my request for healing. Just knowing what I was dealing with has helped me tremendously. My worst-case commitmentphobic man now approaches the ripe old age of 60 and still has never been married! This is an important book to read as many woman don't know that they need to protect themselves from these kinds of men who will linger in your life forever in a relationship that is going nowhere -if you let them. Read the book and be set free.
Customer Rating:
Summary: reading this could endanger you
Comment: i read steven carter's book over five years ago. it was the first book i read when my relationship with my boyfriend started going south. at first, it seemed to have all the answers. he displayed the behavior described in this book.
looking back five years, i feel this book really sent me down a dangerous path. turns out my boyfriend was not "commitmentphobic" he was psychopathic.
calling what i endured a "phobia" is irresponsible. a phobia can be overcome. a phobia is harmful only to the person experiencing it.
sometimes these relationships can be WAY more complicated and dangerous than a fear of spiders or high places...
many many people diagnosed with dangerous personality disorders cannot commit. it's way more complicated than carter would have you believe.
carter, in my opinion, simply gathered up stories from suffering women and reprinted them in a book. he provides no insight, no advice, no alternatives to his "commitmentphobic" theory. he is no licensed professional, and actually, even licensed professionals have difficulty identifying a narcissist, socio or psychopath.
my gut tells me he did his followup book about narcissism because so many women contacted him about commitmentphobia and suggested narcissism to him. a little search on the web and viola! carter had his new book on narcissism - probably a weak attempt to repair the damage he did with his phobia theory.
this book is a waste of time and dangerous. it will provide no answers. don't trust carter with your mental health.
it took me five years to find the answers, after following carter down the wrong path. i finally found the answers i needed in two books - "the sociopath next door" and "without conscience."
people with serious personality disorders aren't all serial killers. experts say 1 in 25 people is a sociopath. it just means they have no conscience, and can do anything without guilt.
if your partner emotionally tortures you - i recommend you take a look at these books. "commitmentphobia" makes a joke out of something that could destroy you.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Wonderful wonderful book!!!!!
Comment: I was driving myself CRAZY trying to figure out what I had done wrong because my boyfriend of 2 years had just sent me roses for our 2 year anniversary and 11 days later broke up with me and was seeing someone else less than a week later. I read this book and oh my gosh I could not believe that this book should have been written by my boyfriend because everything was him to a T!!! If you are stressing about what you could have done differently stop doing that and read this book. You will then see that it wouldn't matter what you had done or not done it wouldn't have mattered AT ALL because it is his problem not yours. It does hurt to know that you fell in love with someone that you couldn't have had from the start and you spend so much time trying to be everything he may want you to be and it is all in vain. READ THIS BOOK!!!
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